Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
