they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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