good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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