apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
