hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
