I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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