I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
