I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
