I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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