we're blogging at a bar
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
