so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So squirting runs in the family.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
