dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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