I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
