Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
