DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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