Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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