why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
