i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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