one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
