her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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