1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
