I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
