My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
