My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
