I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
