Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
