Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
