i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
