god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
