Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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