He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
