I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
