So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
