If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
