Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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