Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
