i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
