Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
