you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
