It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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