It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
