In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
