I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
