i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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