In the future we'll all be gay
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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