Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
