What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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