I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your dad touched me again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
