I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
