3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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