Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
