im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
