i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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