I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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