what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
