Will you blow on my dice?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
