She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
