I'm eating all of the evidence.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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